Well, hello there — it’s me again. Lately I’ve been asking myself a question I never thought I’d have to face: How am I supposed to get on with my life now?
The other day I was watching a video of a man bringing in firewood for winter, and it hit me like a wave. Suddenly I was right back in those moments when my late husband and I were doing the same thing — stacking wood, working side by side. The memories came so fast and so sharp that I just sat there and bawled. I miss him more than words can say.
But I also know I can’t stay frozen in this grief forever. At some point, I have to move forward — not because I want to leave him behind, but because life is still happening, and I’m still in it. And the only way I’m going to move forward is… to simply begin. One step, then another.
That’s why I’m trying to reestablish my old dream of having a homestead. That dream is where I was 19 years ago when I met him. Over the years, I had small pieces of it — little glimpses of the life I wanted — but now I’m stuck in a place that no longer fits who I am or what I need.
I know I need to sell this home and move on to something better. Something that gives me space to breathe, grow, and build the life I’ve been planning for so long. But there’s a tug here that’s hard to break free from. This was our home. Our routines, our memories, our life together.
Now it’s just me and our dog… no garden, no way to be self‑sufficient, no real connection to the life I want. I’m an hour from the nearest town, and with gas prices the way they are, I can only afford to go once a month for groceries. It’s isolating in a way that doesn’t help me heal.
And yet the pull to stay is strong — because this is where “we” were.
But staying stuck isn’t the same as staying connected. I have to find a way to move past this chapter, even though I don’t quite know how yet. What I do know is that I’m trying. I’m thinking, planning, dreaming again. And maybe that’s the first step toward the life that’s waiting for me.
What This Blog Is Really About
I want to say something clearly: This blog isn’t meant to be a place of sadness or loss. Yes, my story begins there — but that’s not where it’s going to stay.
What I truly want is for this space to be something you, my readers, can enjoy as you follow along with the progress I make. I want you to see the steps, the missteps, the learning, the building, the dreaming — all the pieces that come together as I find my way back to my homestead life once again.
This isn’t a blog about grief. It’s a blog about becoming.
It’s about reclaiming a dream that’s been waiting patiently for me. It’s about watching a life rebuild itself from the ground up. It’s about the old ways, the modern helps, the small victories, the big changes, and the steady rhythm of creating a life with intention.
And one day — not too far from now — it will be about the moment when that dream is finally fulfilled.
I’m glad you’re here with me as I make my way toward it.
